怎样才能和女儿进行有趣的谈话

硅谷维立 硅谷生活家 1/19

编者按:不久前,我和The Sian Podcast的主持人马姗姗进行了一场对话。The Sian Podcast是一个以讲故事的方式来记录中国移民的生活以促进第一代和第二代移民之间交流的英文播客。我们在对话中谈到追求快乐、终身学习、以及怎样和女儿进行有趣的谈话。以下是对话的音频及对话记录的中文翻译和英文原文(略有删节)。欢迎访问http://www.thesianpodcast.com收听更多姗姗主持的节目。

姗姗:维立,欢迎来到我们播客。能否向我们的听众分享一些关于自己的信息?

维立:当然可以。我是一个科技工作者。我在中国接受大学教育,然后来到美国读研究生。我的专业是数学和工程,我在硅谷高科技公司工作了20多年。但是我对跟技术无关的知识也很有兴趣。我读很多书,也喜欢写作。我目前写两个博客,一个是中文的,即微信公众号“硅谷生活家”,另一个是英文的,标题是An Asian Perspective(亚洲视角)(http://anasianperspective.medium.com)。

姗姗:太好了。我是从你在微信上的中文博客知道你的,其中一篇文章给我留下了深刻的印象,那就是在物质过剩的时代以及在某种程度上物欲驱动的社会中,什么是真正的无价之宝。你通过与女儿的互动谈论了快乐的定义。你可以分享更多有关该文章的信息吗?在我们目前生活的社会中,真正有价值的是什么?

维立:我想在该文中讨论的一个主题是如何找到快乐。快乐是我们所有人都着迷的东西,但它具有一个与其他人生目标有所不同的非常有趣的属性。比如如果你想致富,那就努力工作。但是快乐并不是你更加努力地追求、更想得到、就更有可能得到。有时情况正好相反。有科学研究表明,你越想快乐,你就离它越远。因此,快乐本身不应该成为生活的目标,它应该是生活中其他追求的副产品。这是我在文中提出的观点,我想它可能引起了很多人的共鸣。

当然要得到快乐有很多不同的方法。如果你对生活充满兴趣,对周围的环境非常好奇,那么你就更有可能感到快乐。我从女儿身上看到了这一点。她说,你看,有这么多餐馆、咖啡馆和书店,我都想进去看看。我认为这是一个很好的征兆。

我在文中引用了罗素,他写了一本叫《征服快乐》的书,谈到了很多实现快乐的方法。他说,如果你在乡下散步,会看到鸟、植物和路上的石头。如果你对其中的一些感兴趣,那么你的散步将充满乐趣。如果你对这些东西都不感兴趣,那么你可能会感到无聊。充满乐趣肯定比无聊要快乐。因此,我认为如果一个人对他或她周围的事物有很多兴趣,是一种非常好的素质。

姗姗:你谈到了与女儿的互动。你们两人有很深的关系,你们可以围绕艺术、文学、哲学甚至政治进行很多对话。你是如何培养她以至于你们一直可以继续进行这种有趣的对话?也许你可以分享一些与女儿的有趣对话?

维立:是的,我们有很多有趣的对话。我们谈论电影、书籍、政治或办公室政治等等。我举一个例子。今年早些时候发生了一些社会动荡,有很多抗议种族歧视的游行。我女儿对这件事情很感兴趣。她组织五、六个朋友进行了一场网上讨论,并邀请我参加。我有些惊讶,也暗中非常高兴。我们是第一代移民,说英语有外国口音,我们的孩子有时会为我们感到尴尬。我很受宠若惊她想让我参加与朋友的讨论。

我接受邀请并参加了讨论。在讨论中,她甚至多次将话题引向我,比如说,妈妈,你怎么看这个问题?让我更深地卷入了谈话之中。之后她的一些朋友告诉她,你妈妈真酷。当然她立即转告了我。

第一次讨论后,她又组织了几次讨论,每次都关注一个特定的社会问题。我都参加了。

姗姗:这真的是很了不起。在她的成长过程中,你采取了什么措施来激发她对做这些事情的兴趣,比如与朋友举行圆桌讨论?

维立:如今要做好父母不容易,我和我女儿之间也并非一帆风顺。但基本上我们有很好的关系,对此我很感恩。有几件事情我总是提醒自己。一是我们应该尊重我们的孩子。他们不是我们的延申,而是具有自由意志的独立个体。我对那种想把孩子塑造成我们希望的样子的教育哲学不感兴趣。

对孩子的尊重应该从小就开始,而不是在他们18岁时突然开始。当然,他们小的时候非常依赖我们,他们似乎什么也不知道,他们无法做出重大决定。但是有些事情他们可以做出决定。例如,出去买衣服时,他们可以决定要买什么;出去旅行时,他们可以自己收拾行李,决定要带什么。我让她做所有这些决定。当然,如果她需要我的帮助,我会帮她,但是如果她不问我,我不会提供帮助。

这些都是小事,完全在其能力范围之内。如果他们做出了错误的决定,后果也无关紧要。但让他们做决定,就是让他们练习决策技巧,并成长为更加独立和全面发展的成年人。当你这样做时,你与孩子之间也会保持健康的关系,因为你们互相尊重,并信任彼此的判断。

姗姗:是的,太棒了。从一开始就将他们当作独立的小大人对待,可以建立相互信任的健康关系,这也有助于过渡到青少年时期等更困难的阶段。

你提到与女儿进行对话时,交流并不总是顺利。我想知道你和女儿是否在某些情况下进行了较为激烈的争执,而且你们的观点因此而改变?

维立:当我们谈论政治时,有时我们会有不同的看法。例如在“黑人的命也是命”运动中,我的观点是,虽然我支持这场运动,但不应容忍运动中的暴力行为。

但我女儿有更激进的看法。她认为,如果你不能以正常方式解决问题,那么可以诉诸更激进的、可能是暴力的方式,因为那样才能引起人们的注意,并促成变化。我不同意她的看法,但我并未尝试改变她的看法。我们只是表达我们的观点,并解释为什么我们有这种观点。

当我写博客时也是如此。每当涉及有争议的话题,总会有很多人不同意我的看法。这一点都没有关系。人们从来不会因为你要他们改变意见就改变意见。改变是一个漫长而逐步的过程。我觉得如果我写了一些东西,人们读了,在他们心中留下一些印象,以后这些印象或许会在他们的改变中发挥一点作用。

跟我女儿也是一样,尤其是在政治话题上,我们没有试图改变彼此的看法。如果有改变的话,这种改变并没有在我眼皮底下发生。

姗姗:这真的是一个很好的观点。当你与女儿交谈时,或者写文章交流观点时,并不是为了说服人们,而是为了表达你的观点,这很有价值。我读了你的一些文章,我认为你与社区分享了一些很棒的作品。

而且,我了解到你撰写的许多文章都是基于自己的兴趣。为了满足自己的好奇心,你花了很多时间沉迷于探索人类知识。这也是你分享的许多文章的基础。我想知道是什么促使你扩大学习范围,并将其分享给社区?

维立:这是个很好的问题。我一直喜欢阅读各种无用的书。当我还是个孩子的时候,如果我看到一张纸上有文字的话,我就会捡起来读一遍。我一直喜欢阅读。我并没有想到要扩大视野,满足好奇心,或获取知识,我只是喜欢而已。

来美国后,可以读的书突然增多。这里的图书馆太方便了。我开始使用得奖图书名单和畅销书榜单作为读书的路线图。很多年来我一直在这样做,这是一种爱好。但是近年来,我开始感到,除了漫无目的地阅读之外,也许我可以将更多精力放在一些特定领域上。

读书读得越多,就越意识到世界上有如此之多的知识。而且,随着我们的孩子长大,看到他们如何接受教育,我开始意识到我们的教育有很多缺陷。我们只是专注于技术研究。我们在人文、社会科学领域的教育非常有限。

因此,现在我的计划是每年在附近的社区大学修一门课。通过选一堂课,接触到新的领域。这门课会打开我对这个领域的视野。如果我对此很有兴趣,我会自己做一些研究,在自己的时间里对此进一步探索。

姗姗:是的。你说的有一件事尤其使我产生共鸣,那就是读得越多,学到的知识越多,就越会意识到值得学习的东西很多。然后你开始意识到需要更加系统化。

你也提到这几乎就像是一个与女儿一起学习的学习之旅。你看到女儿通过接触所有这些不同的主题而在学习和成长,你发现自己也有这个需要。

你也提到一件有趣的事情,那就是许多第一代移民都是在中国接受一直到大学的教育。这种教育使我们在某些领域特别是技术领域变得非常专业。有些人不认为这是一个问题。因为有这些专业知识,人们已经能够过上舒适的生活。你认为这是问题吗?

维立:我也不会说这是个问题。我同意许多人都过得很好,即使他们没有去学习额外的知识。生活并不只是有一种方式。

但要说这些知识是否有用,我可以看到它可以以两种不同的方式发挥作用。一种方式是帮助你与孩子建立良好关系。这也是我们之前讨论的内容。我们不是在这里长大的,成长时没有接触过这里的流行文化。如果我们来这里后不学习它,我们和孩子们就可能没有很多共同的兴趣。随着年龄的增长,他们的视野不断扩大,因此不会再满足于跟我们进行非常有限的对话。这些知识对了解他们的世界将非常有用。当然你不必了解所有内容,每个人时间都有限。但你至少应该了解其中一些,这样你才可以更轻松地与孩子互动。

我还可以想到这些知识发生作用的另一种方式,就是在职业发展中。我们的同胞大都事业有成,但我们也抱怨说玻璃天花板或竹天花板阻止我们升到顶端。我认为通识教育可以对我们的职业生涯有所帮助。

当你进入职业生涯的某个阶段时,你的表现将更多地取决于你建立人际关系的能力。我不是如何与周围的人建立关系的专家,但我知道,如果具有共同的背景、共同的经验和共同的知识,可以更轻松地建立联系和相互信任。我的推测是,缺乏人文教育是我们中很少有人晋升到职场顶峰的原因之一。

姗姗:这是一个很好的观察。我真的很喜欢你的看法。你谈到学习时,好像这是一件很有趣的事情。但是对于其他一些人来说,学习可能是一个沉重的话题。他们可以怎样让它变得更有趣呢?

维立:学习有两种。第一种是不得不为之的学习。你必须学习一些东西才能掌握一些技能。这种学习也可能很有趣,因为当你擅长某件事时,它会变得非常有趣。我们生活中都有过这种学习。它不应该有趣,但可能有趣。我就得到过很多乐趣。

另一种学习完全是自愿的,这是我们今天一直在谈论的这种学习。我是为了我自己学,没有人强迫我。但有意思的是,你还是想付出一定的努力。努力后实现的目标,更加甜蜜一些。但是另一方面,你不希望这种经历过于痛苦,压力过大,因此你希望找到适当的平衡。

所以,要我提建议的话,如果你必须学习一些东西才能获得薪酬,自食其力,那么不管有多辛苦,都要努力,别唧唧歪歪地抱怨,你会获得酬报,而且这种学习可能会变得更加有趣。如果你的学习不是为了特定目的而是娱乐,那么找到合适的平衡,并享受它。

姗姗:这实际上取决于你自己的期望,自己的兴趣。我想到的另一个问题是,学习可以通过多种类型的渠道和媒体来完成。你自己是这个新的自媒体时代的内容提供者,社交媒体在你的学习中发挥了什么作用?

维立:我一直对社交媒体持保留态度。当然它使人与人的联系更加容易,但也浪费了大量时间,让你听到很多废话。社交媒体上有很好的内容,我并不是说没有,而且它们有及时的优势,因为它们可以立即发布。而且它们更容易消化。只是你需要对阅读的内容非常有选择性。

姗姗:你提到要有选择性,人们正是这样做的。他们只阅读他们想听到的、同意的内容。这样就造成了某种知识或理解的泡泡,因为人们不断让自己的观点被强化。

维立:确实是这样的。如果你使用更传统的学习方式,可以避免其中的一些问题,因为它们经过了更好的研究并且通常更加平衡。

某些社交媒体内容显然质量很差,但我不认为阅读它们的人不知道这一点。但是因为他们有这种强烈的情感,他们想要找到出口,所以他们还是愿意读。当他们听到别人说出他们想听的话时会感觉很好。他们的目的不是学习和获取知识,是情感宣泄。

姗姗:你的观察非常准确。我也认为这是人们故意做出的选择。

除了书籍外,你还分享了一系列电影供人们在隔离期间欣赏。我想根据你自己的判断,为什么要推荐这些电影,以及对你而言怎样的电影算是好电影?

维立:对我来说,一部好电影首先必须有娱乐性。我认为这比它是否可以教给你正确的信息更重要。它应该有一个好的故事,并应该很吸引人,看完之后,你应该可以说,这段时间我过得很愉快。但下一个问题更难,就是为什么有些电影更让我享受。我没有简短明了的答案。我知道我喜欢真诚的电影,幽默会有所帮助,视觉上令人愉悦是另一个优点。有太多的事情可以决定一部电影的成败。

姗姗:听起来你对书籍和电影的态度有所不同。对你来说,电影只是娱乐的一种手段,但对于书籍,你会花费更多的时间和精力来学习其中的内容,而不仅仅是将其用作纯粹的娱乐渠道。

维立:是的。

姗姗:太棒了。你还想对我们的听众说什么吗?非常有趣的对话,非常感谢你今天与我们的分享。

维立:我也聊得很开心。


英文原文:

Shanshan Ma: Hey, Victoria, welcome to the podcast. Could you share a little bit about yourself to our audience?

Victoria: Sure. I am a technologist. I received my college education in China and then I came to the United States to go to graduate school. My education was in math and engineering, and I worked for Silicon Valley high tech companies for more than 20 years. But I also have a big appetite for the non-technical side of human knowledge. I read a lot of books and I like to write. I currently write two blogs. One in Chinese, which is the WeChat official account called 硅谷生活家. I also write an English blog, under the title of An Asian perspective.

Shanshan: Awesome. I actually learned about you from your Chinese blog on WeChat. One of the articles really left me a great impression is about what is truly priceless in an era of excessive material and in asociety that’s somewhat driven by materialism. I think you talked about the definition of happiness through your interaction with your daughter. Could you share a bit more about that article? What is truly valuable in the society that we are currently living in?

Victoria: Yeah. One topic I wanted to address in this article is that how we can find happiness. Happiness is something that we are all obsessed with. It has a very interesting attribute which makes it a little different from the other goals. For example, if you want to become rich, then you work hard. But happiness is not something that you work harder, and you want it more and then you’re more likely to get it.

Sometimes it’s the other way around. There is some scientific research which shows that the more you want to be happy, the further you are from your goal. So happiness itself shouldn’t be a goal in life. Rather, it should be a by product of your other pursuits in life.

So that’s some point I made in this article, and I think this probably resonates with a lot of people.

Shanshan: Yeah. I remember very vividly about the article where you were talking about how your daughter was going around in the streets of New York City and pointed out things that she really wanted to experience and try, and that’s what makes her happy. Could you share about your philosophy in approaching happiness?

Victoria: Sure. There are many different ways to achieve happiness. If you have a lot of interests in life and if you’re very curious about your surroundings, then you are more likely to be happy in life. So that’s what I saw in my daughter, when she mentioned that “see? There are so many restaurants, coffee shops and bookstores I want to explore”, and I think it’s a very good sign.

I quoted from Bertrand Russell in this article. He wrote a book, the conquest of happiness. He listed many different ways that you can achieve happiness.

He said, if you take a walk in the countryside, and you will see birds and you will see plants and you will see rocks on the road. And if you are interested in some of them, then your walk will be full of delight. And if you are not interested in any of these things, then you will probably be bored. A person who is full of delight is happier than the person who is bored. So I think it’s a very good quality if this person has a lot of interest in things around him or her.

Shanshan: Yeah. You talked about your interaction with your daughter. You two have a very deep relationship where you two can have many types of conversations around art, literature, philosophy, or even politics. How do you cultivate her interest so that you guys can continue to have such fun conversations? Maybe share some of the interesting conversations you’ve had with your daughter?

Victoria: Sure. We have lots of interesting conversations. We talk about movies, books, politics, or office politics, and so on. I’ll give you an example. Earlier this year, there was a lot of social unrest, right? There were the protests against racial injustice. My daughter is also very interested in this topic. So she organized a zoom session with five or six ofher friends and asked me to join them. I was a little surprised, and secretly, extremely pleased. Because we are first generation immigrants and we speak English with an accent and our children are sometimes embarrassed about us. I was flattered that she wanted to include me in her discussion with her friends.

I accepted the invitation and joined the discussion. During the discussion, she even directed the question to me a few times. She was like, hey mom, what do you think of that? She got me involved even deeper into the conversation than I originally thought I would. After the discussion, some of her friends told her that your mom is really cool. And of course, she passed the message to me immediately.

After the first discussion, she organized a few more, each focusing on one particular social issue. I joined all of them.

Shanshan: That is simply amazing action that she did. In her growth, what were the things you did to cultivate her interest to do things like this, like even host a roundtable discussion with her friends?

Victoria: It’s not easy to be a good parent nowadays, right? My daughter and I also have our share of problems. It’s not all smooth. But basically, we have a good relationship, and I’m very grateful for that. There are a couple of things that I always keep in mind. One thing is that we should have a lot of respect for our children. They are not our extensions. They are independent individuals with free will. I’m not very interested in the kind of teaching which implies that we should try to shape them into the way we want them to be.

The respect for children should start from the very beginning. It doesn’t start suddenly when they are 18 and turn into an adult. Of course, when they are young, they are very dependent on us and they don’t seem to know much. They couldn’t make big decisions. But there are things they can make decisions for. For example, if you go shopping to buy an outfit, they can decide what they want to buy. If we are traveling, I let her pack her luggage, so she decides what she wants to bring to the trip. I let her make all these decisions. Of course, I was always there to help her if she needed my help, but I didn’t offer help if she didn’t ask me.

These are all small things which are completely within their capacity. If they do make the wrong decision, the consequences are relatively inconsequential. So let them make the decision, that’s how they practice decision-making and grow into a more independent and well-rounded adult. In the meantime, when you are doing that, you also have a healthy relationship with your kids because you respect each other and trust each other’s judgment.

Shanshan: Yeah, that’s awesome. Treat them like independent little people ever since the beginning and help you foster that trustworthy and healthy relationship. That’s gonna really help the transition into the more difficult phases like teenage years.

You also mentioned that when you are having conversation with your daughter, it is not always smooth. I wonder if there are some cases where you and your daughter engaged in a somewhat heated conversation where you or her opinion was changed based on that conversation?

Victoria: When we talk about politics, sometimes we have different opinions. For example, the Black Lives Matter movement. My opinion was that even though I support this movement, the violence in the movements shouldn’t be tolerated.

But my daughter has a more radical opinion. She feels that if you cannot solve a problem in the normal way or the conventional way doesn’twork, then it’s okay to resort to something which is more radical, maybe illegal or even violent. Because that’s how you get people’s attention and get things done. I don’t agree with her, but I didn’t really try to change her opinion. We just express our points of view, and we explain why we have this point of view.

The same is true when I write blogs. Whenever it’s about a controversial topic, there are always a lot of people who don’t agree with me. That’s totally fine. People’s opinion would not be changed because you tell them to change. It’s a long and gradual process. I feel that if I wrote something, and people read it, it left some impression in their mind. Later on, maybe it would play some role.

With my daughter, especially when it comes to politics, we didn’t try to change each other’s opinion. And this change of opinion didn’t happen under my eyes.

Shanshan: Yeah, I think that’s a really solid point that you made there. When you have a conversation with your daughter, or when you are communicating your point of view from the articles you wrote, it’s not about convincing people. It’s really about expressing your point of view, which is of tremendous value. I have read some of your articles. I think it is some fantastic writing that you have shared with the community.

And also, I learned that many of your articles that you wrote are based on your own interest. You’ve spent a lot of time indulging in exploring human knowledge just to satisfy your own curiosity. And that is the basis of a lot of the articles you shared. I wonder what motivates you to do this and to expand your learning and really share that back to the community?

Victoria: Yeah, very good question. I have always liked reading all sorts of useless books. When I was a kid, if I saw a piece of paper with words on it, I would pick it up and read it. I always liked to read. I didn’t think of it in terms of expanding my horizons or satisfying my curiosity or gaining knowledge. I just liked it.

After I came to the United States, all of a sudden, I had so many more books that are available to me. The library is so convenient. I used the awards and bestseller lists as my road map to guide me through. So I have been doing this all these years. It’s just a hobby. But in recent years, I started to feel that in addition to just reading aimlessly, maybe I can focus a little bit more on some specific fields.

The more you read, the more you realize how much more knowledge is out there. And also, as our children grow up, and we see how they are receiving their education, I started to realize how flawed, how limited our education was. We just focused on technical study. Our education in the liberal arts, like the humanities, social science is very limited.

So now my plan is to take maybe one course in the community college nearby each year. So I just pick one class, and then I get exposed to a new area. After the class is over, then I opened my eyes to this area. If I become more interested and then I do some study on my own and explore it further in my own time.

Shanshan: Yeah, that’s fantastic. One thing you said that really resonated with me is the more you read, the more you learn, the more you realize there is so much more to learn out there. And then you started to see the need to be more systematic.

You also mentioned that it’s almost like a learning journey and learning with your daughter, because you see how she is learning and growing herself by being exposed to all these different subjects. And you see for yourself there is a need for that.

You mentioned something interesting, which is that many of the first-generation immigrants were educated in China all the way through college. It made us very specialized in certain areas, especially technical areas. Some people might not even think that’s a problem. People are able to make a good living, earn a comfortable lifestyle with the technical training that people received over the years. From your perspective, why is that a problem?

Victoria: I wouldn’t say it’s a problem. I agree that many people are doing really well without trying to do all these things. It’s perfectly fine. There are different ways to live your life.

But in terms of whether it’s useful, I can see it being useful in a couple of different ways. One way is to help your relationship with your children. That goes back to what we talked about earlier. We didn’t grow up here, and we didn’t have exposure to the popular culture here when we were growing up. If we don’t learn it after coming here, we may not have a lot of common interests with our children. When they’re growing older, their horizon is expanding, so they are no longer satisfied with having the very limited conversation with us. It would be very helpful or useful to know their world.

You don’t have to know everything of course. Everybody only has a limited bandwidth. But at least you know some of them, then it’s easier for you to connect with your children.

Another way I can think of, for example, is career development. A lot of our fellow immigrants are doing fine, but we also complain that there is a glass ceiling or bamboo ceiling that prevents us from rising to the top. So, a liberal arts education, I think it can help us in our career as well.

When you have reached a certain stage of your career, your performance is more dependent on your ability to build relationships. How do you build relationships with people around you? I am by no means an expert on that. But what I know is that when you have common background, common experience, common knowledge, it’s easier for you to connect and to trust each other. That’s just my speculation, but I feel it’s probably true that our lack of a liberal arts education is one reason that very few of us rise to the top. That’s another area where this kind of exploration can be useful.

Shanshan: Yeah, that’s a very good observation. I really like your take on this. You talked about learning in such a fun attitude. But for some other people learning could be a somewhat heavy topic. What are the things they can do to make it more exciting or make it more fun so that it’s not a chore or a demand, but it’s something that is proactively interesting to

them?

Victoria: There are two types of learning. The first type of learning is the forced type of learning. You have to learn something in order to acquire some skills. But it could be fun. When you are getting really good at something, it can become really interesting. I have done my share of that kind of learning in my life. It’s not supposed to be fun, but it could be fun. I had some fun.

The other type of learning is totally voluntary, it’s the type of learning that we have been talking about today. I’m doing it for my own sake. Nobody is forcing it. The interesting thing is, though, that you also want to kind of work hard on it. If you work hard to achieve something, the achievement is all the more sweet. But on the other hand, you don’t want the experience to be too painful and stressful, so you want to strike the right balance.

In terms of advice, if you have to learn something in order to become a gainfully employed and independent individual, then no matter how hard it is, suck it up. You have to do it. You will be rewarded, but it might become more fun down the road. If you are learning something not for a specific purpose but just for fun, then you just have to find the right balance for yourself and enjoy it.

Shanshan: It’s really about your own terms, depending on your own interest. So the other question comes to my mind is you know learning can be done by so many types of channels so many different types of media. You are a content creator yourself in this new “we media” age, how does social media play a role in your learning activities?

Victoria: I have always had a rather reserved attitude towards social media. Sure, it makes it easier to connect with people, but it also wastes a lot of your time and exposes you to a lot of nonsense. There is good content on social media. I’m not saying that there are not, and they have the advantage of being very up to date, because they can be published immediately. And they are easier to digest, so social media still has these advantages. You just have to be very selective on what you choose to read.

Shanshan: You mentioned about being selective and people are. People begin to only read what they want to hear, things that they agree with. So that almost created some sort of knowledge bubble or understanding bubble, because they are constantly being reinforced in their ownpoint of view.

Victoria: Exactly. So if you use a more traditional way of learning, you avoid some of these problems because they are better researched and they are usually more balanced.

I think some of the social media contents, they obviously have really poor quality. I don’t think people reading them don’t know that. But because they have this very strong emotion, for which they want to find the outlet, that’s why they read it, they feel good when they hear people saying things they want to hear. Their goal is not to learn things and to gain knowledge. Their goal is to have an emotional catharsis.

Shanshan: you’re right, I think that’s a very spot-on observation, I think it’s an intentional choice that people make.

Besides books you also shared a list of movies for people to enjoy during this extended quarantine. I wonder in your own judgment, why do you recommend our list of movies and what is a good movie to you.

Victoria: For me, a good movie, first of all has to be entertaining. I think it’s more important than anything else, whether it teaches you the right message, so it should have a good story and should have the ability to draw you in. And after you’re finished watching it, you should be able to say hey I had a good time. So the next question is more difficult, why some movies are more entertaining to me. It’s kind of hard to say I don’t have a short and clear answer. I know that I like the movie to be sincere. Humor helps. Visually pleasing is another plus. There are so many things that can makea movie a success or failure.

Shanshan: Sounds like you have different ways to approach books versus movies. For your movie is really a means for entertainment but for books, you would take the extra time and effort to learn something new from the book, rather than just use it as a pure entertainment channel.

Victoria: Yes, yes.

Shanshan: Fantastic. Do you have any parting words to our audience? Really fun conversation and really appreciate the perspectives you shared with us today.

Victoria: Yeah, same here. I really enjoyed talking to you too.

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